I have a lot of issues in my own head that aren’t so much issues as things that are different than they used to be. I can’t think of a lot of things I’m really interested in anymore besides making sure I pass my classes, work really hard, and get a good job when I graduate. I mean. I’m still interested in my television shows, but it’s ridiculously hard to keep with a lot of them. 

I mean. I still have interests but I’m just like “eh”. 

I’m anxious 24/7, I don’t like sleeping very much anymore. But that could be the constant nightmares.

There’s a cacophony of other things.

I’m starting to wonder that 90% of it is my medication. Upon reading other people’s experiences with it, I’m almost certain that it’s my meds. I have to keep reading more before I make a conclusive decision.

But there exists a problem.

I’m almost certain the dosage I need to keep functioning at the cognitive levels I find most optimal, I have to deal with the side effects.

Complete loss of appetite. Intermittent insomnia. Loss of interest. Anxiety, dry mouth, nervous tension, a ridiculous amount of paranoia, and almost a complete loss of creativity.

So do I keep functioning on the dosage I have, and keep being the one everyone says “works really hard” and “will get a job first”? I have an incredibly cray-cray schedule that I can’t afford to be lax on. 

Well. Fuck.

…. I need to look into this some more. I’m just glad I started looking into this whole medication stuff.

I was seriously beginning to wonder if I was legitimately going crazy. schizophrenic crazy.